Signs of Chronic Stress in High Performing Men

The number one question I ask all clients. We tie this to the role we play or how others perceive us. We often can't tie this to who we actually are and what that looks like.

This is the question I want in the forefront of every day. As you look to discover who that person is we need to start peeling back some of the armor you have built up over the years. As we peel back those layers let's start paying attention to some of the key signs that stress is taking over.

As we dive into understanding stress, this is a key role in your day. Start doing audits and watch for key signals for you to catch and start neutralizing before it continues to take over your days.

This table isn't about stress management. It's about what your body is doing when you're not performing for anyone. Including yourself.

Speaking from experience, a big reason I moved into this area of thought is the very fact this has all been a big part of my life. The only way I could regulate and drop the wall I used as protection is because I started doing audits to catch myself. Before that, my traps and shoulders were always up and tight.

I can remember working with a personal trainer, and his number one goal for me in most workouts was to have me keep my shoulders down. It felt like an impossible task because they had been drawn up to my ears with tension for so long. Looking back, the biggest thing I can remember is the times I would relax and almost be myself. Or what I felt like myself was, after I had a few drinks. This was me numbing out and letting the walls down a bit. Or so I thought.

What I really needed to learn was how to manage the actual source of the issue so that it didn't control me, and so I could relax without assistance.

One area I still struggle with, and that I'm actively exploring in my life, is the afternoon crash. As I continue to explore the mental and physical reality behind it, here is what I have looked at so far. Hopefully a tool for you to also look at and find basic understanding from. This will allow you to catch yourself in different scenarios so you can start to overcome them.

The HPA-axis is one of those newer terms to me that I have been digging deeper to understand, along with the nervous system. I use hypnotherapy with clients to help relax the nervous system and overcome different scenarios on a deeper level. What I find though is it's important to know the basics of what's happening under the hood. Under the armor.

Think of the HPA-axis as an alarm for your body. A response chain: brain notices threat, sends the signal, releases the chemical, body reacts. Your brain has a threat detection system that doesn't distinguish well between "a tiger is chasing me" and "I have 40 unread emails and a 2pm I'm not ready for." Either way, it sounds the alarm, and your body releases cortisol to get you mobilized. Heart rate up, focus narrowed, digestion and repair functions put on pause, because none of that matters if you're about to be eaten.

The problem isn't the alarm system. It's built to save your life. The problem is it was designed to reset. Tiger shows up, you run or fight, tiger's gone, alarm turns off, body returns to baseline. But a high performer's day doesn't have a "tiger's gone" moment. The threats (deadline, email, hard conversation, provider pressure) just keep queuing up, back to back, for years. So the alarm never fully resets. It just idles at a lower hum, all day, every day. HPA-axis dysregulation, in plain terms, is when the off switch stops working because it's never given the chance to use it.

If the stress response is the gas pedal, the parasympathetic system is the brake. The "rest, digest, repair" mode. It's what should switch on when the workday ends. Heart rate slows, digestion comes back online, the body starts actual repair and recovery instead of just surviving.

The catch for high performing men specifically: most don't know how to earn that shift naturally anymore through actual rest, slower breathing, real downtime. So they force it chemically instead. The drink, the edible, scrolling till you pass out. It looks like relaxation, but it's not the parasympathetic system switching on. It's a workaround that mimics calm without your body actually learning how to get there itself. Which means the system never gets practiced, and the real off switch stays weak from disuse.

Now, this isn't your fault. This can come from years of conditioning. Sayings and mentalities like "tough it out," or more recently, a constant push for hustle culture. We've masked it for years and built the armor with sayings like "I'm just intense," "I'm just a night owl," or "I just work better under pressure."

The outcome of all this, not being able to turn that switch off at the end of the day, comes at a toll. We discussed the obvious markers to watch for when trying to numb out chemically. But not being able to shut things off comes at a toll to much more than we actually realize.

Cortisol and testosterone are made from the same raw material, and your body prioritizes survival over performance. So under chronic stress, it keeps making the alarm chemical and quietly stops prioritizing the one tied to drive, libido, and edge.

Not only does it compete for space with testosterone and libido, but cortisol also tells your body to store fat around the organs, not just under the skin. So that stubborn gut that won't respond to more discipline in the gym might not be a diet problem. It might be a stress problem.

Finally, cortisol should be lowest at night and highest in the morning. Chronic stress flips this, so men can log eight hours and still wake up wired-tired, because the chemical meant to wake you up was never allowed to power down at night.

With all this in mind, regulating stress and being able to use the off switch comes with great benefits. This is why Vital Sovereignty is so important in the 5 Pillars of Integrated Masculinity. As we continue the season of Vital Sovereignty, we'll keep breaking down different areas to focus on, making the necessary changes so you can finally answer. Who are you when no one is around?