Loss comes in many forms and isn’t limited to the death of a loved one. It can be the end of a relationship, losing a job, kids leaving for college, or even a shift in identity. We all process loss differently, but in general, we move through seven stages of grief:
- Shock & Denial – The initial reaction to loss is often disbelief or numbness. Many men suppress emotions, feeling they must "stay strong" instead of allowing themselves to process the shock.
- Pain & Guilt – As reality sets in, intense emotional pain emerges. Guilt may follow—regret over things left unsaid, actions not taken, or even feeling like we should “move on” faster.
- Anger & Bargaining – Frustration, resentment, and even rage can surface. Many men struggle with expressing this anger in a healthy way. Bargaining (e.g., “If only I had done X, this wouldn’t have happened”) can also be a way to try to regain control.
- Depression, Loneliness & Reflection – This is a deep, introspective stage where sadness and isolation are common. Many men withdraw instead of seeking support, which can make healing more difficult.
- The Upward Turn – The emotional fog begins to lift, and there is a slow return to stability. Coping mechanisms start to feel more manageable, and a sense of normalcy returns.
- Reconstruction & Working Through – There’s a conscious effort to rebuild life, establish new routines, and find meaning. This stage can be a turning point in personal growth and resilience.
- Acceptance & Hope – While the loss never fully disappears, there is acceptance. New perspectives, lessons, and even a renewed sense of purpose can emerge.
Everyone moves through these stages at their own pace. Understanding these stages is one thing, but experiencing them firsthand is another. Here’s how I navigated grief in my own life.
The Power of a Support System in Grief
I learned this firsthand when I lost my first grandparent. While I wasn’t especially close to him in recent years, it still stung—but I moved through the process quickly, almost too quickly to remember it clearly.
Years later, when I lost my grandmother, it was different. This time, the loss hit harder. But because it was expected, I had the chance to say goodbye and find closure.
The biggest difference in losing my grandmother was that, by then, I had met my fiancée. Even though our relationship was still new, I had someone I could lean on—someone I could talk to without feeling like I had to carry everything alone.
That support system was crucial. It didn’t take away the pain, but it gave me the space to process it. It reminded me that grief doesn’t have to be faced in isolation. A support system is just one of the many tools that can help us navigate loss. Here are a few others:
- Talking About It – Whether with a loved one, therapist, or support group, verbalizing grief helps us process it instead of bottling it up.
- Self-Compassion – Grief isn’t linear. Some days will feel heavier than others, and that’s okay. Giving yourself permission to feel without judgment is key.
- Routine & Structure – Loss can feel destabilizing. Small, daily routines—whether it’s morning exercise, journaling, or simply making coffee—can provide grounding.
- Creative Expression – Writing, music, art, or any form of expression can be an outlet for emotions that feel too heavy to put into words.
- Seeking Professional Help – Sometimes, grief feels overwhelming, and working with a therapist or grief counselor can help navigate those emotions.
Grief isn’t something we “get over.” It’s something we learn to carry in a way that allows us to keep moving forward. Having a support system—whether it’s a partner, friends, family, or a community—can make all the difference.
Grief, Masculinity & Emotional Resilience
For many men, grief is something we’re told to “get over” rather than go through. The idea of “toughing it out” or burying emotions runs deep in traditional masculinity. But avoiding grief doesn’t make it disappear—it just surfaces in different ways: stress, anger, emotional numbness, or even physical health issues.
This is where Integrated Masculinity comes in. True resilience isn’t about suppressing emotions—it’s about facing them, processing them, and growing from them.
How Grief Strengthens Emotional Intelligence & Resilience
Grief, when processed fully, can be a powerful teacher. It strengthens key aspects of emotional intelligence—a crucial pillar of Integrated Masculinity:
- Self-Awareness – Recognizing how grief affects you instead of numbing or avoiding it.
- Emotional Regulation – Allowing yourself to feel pain without letting it define you.
- Empathy & Connection – Understanding your own grief makes you more compassionate toward others experiencing loss.
- Authenticity – Rejecting the idea that emotions make you weak and instead embracing them as part of your full experience as a man.
Grief also builds resilience—but not in the “grit your teeth and move on” way we often hear. True resilience means adapting, finding meaning in the loss, and allowing it to shape you in a way that deepens your sense of purpose.
Breaking the Stigma: It’s Okay to Grieve
The narrative around grief and masculinity needs to change. Seeking support, expressing emotions, and taking the time to heal doesn’t make you less of a man—it makes you stronger. The ability to hold space for both pain and growth is what makes a man truly resilient.
If you’re grieving, know this: you don’t have to do it alone. Start by acknowledging where you are in the process and reaching out to someone you trust.
How has grief shaped your personal growth? Have you seen a shift in how you process loss over time?
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