There is no denying that everyone’s mental health is extremely important. With all the people that seek help only 30% of them are men. This is a reason to be concerned.
Why don’t men typically seek help?
- Stigma - Society places expectations on men to be strong and self-reliant
- Traditional Masculinity - Discouraged emotional expression and vulnerability
- Fear of Judgement - Fear of being ridiculed by peers, family, or colleagues
- Misperceptions - Some don’t believe therapy is effective
- Self-Reliance - Many try and handle the problems independently
- Lack of Awareness - Some don’t recognize the signs of mental health problems.
- Access Barrier - There might limited access to mental health services, concerns about costs, or finding suitable therapist
- Past Negative Experiences - If a man has had negative experiences with health professionals he may be less likely to seek help
My Story
Having worked in the corporate world for only 5 years I had hit some of the darkest moments in my life.
Sleep felt like a chore. Going to bed and waking up repeatedly through out the night. Laying there restless till my alarm went off hoping I would get 5 hours of sleep. Hitting snooze to try and squeeze another hour to get 6.
Mornings were difficult, completely burdened with negative thoughts from the minute I opened my eyes.
Pounding back coffee’s in hope to have enough energy to get through the morning.
Hearing the nagging voices of micromanaging already in my head.
Not even out the door to start the morning and all I could think is I want to go back to bed. Struggling to pull myself together. Frustrated as I felt like I had no other options.
I should just be happy for the position I have and where I am in life.
Irritable at almost everyone and everything. The only saving grace was some of the co-workers that I worked with.
Mid day I would fall asleep head in my hand at my desk with little to no energy or drive to power through.
I didn’t believe in myself.
I didn’t believe in my ability to grow.
My limited beliefs were weighing me down at this point as I felt like there was nothing I could do to change the situation. Constantly looking for opportunities but nothing could match the income. Some would look at this as the “Golden Handcuffs”.
At the end of the day I would leave and go home happy the day was over. This was then time to lose myself in video games to distract myself from all the thoughts. Playing from the time I got home till midnight or later only to do it all over again the next day.
A few of the Primary reasons men develop depression
- Family Member Dying
- Unemployment
- Past or Continued Abuse
- Stress at Work
The Men’s Health Foundation found approximately one million men suffer from depression each year. About 30% of people that use mental health services are men. Also 80% of men find their day to day work stressful. 60% lose sleep over it.
Some of the commons symptoms that are felt with depression:
- Irritable
- Angry
- Frustrated
- Sad
- Disappointed
- Overwhelmed
- Helpless/Hopeless
Men notoriously swallow their emotions. The feeling that if we show them this is a sign of weakness.
We go into a place of shame as we want to be the support system.
We want to be the rock that everyone can lean on.
How do we help?
Everyone will be different here. With different severities, cases, and causes.
It’s not about getting to the root problem forcing him to talk. This can in some cases make the problem worse.
Instead ask what support he wants or needs. Offer to do something together that he enjoys.
Hobbies and exercise give an outlet for the frustration.
Therapy helps figure out the cause and how to work through it.
Build social connections you can feel comfortable talking to.
Personally having gone through this it wasn’t easy to get to a better place.
I slowly worked through this taking small steps. Anything drastic I would try wouldn’t stick as it wasn’t a habit, it took work.
More things that changed that helped me was getting a dog. Now I’m not saying go adopt a dog but the part that helped me was the consistent walks we went on. Morning and evening we would walk which gave me time to process and organize thoughts.
Also seeing a therapist to help me figure out why work was causing me stress and bringing me into that state of mind. She directly focused on the depression what it was doing to me and ways to overcome it. Being able to figure out the cause was the most important part for me. This gave me the ability to work through it.
I was able to realize it wasn’t the job it’s self it was factors that came with it. I started focusing on the parts I enjoyed like client meetings and building relationships. This is where my energy started to go.
Things started to turn around now.
Finally working through it I was able to understand what took me into that dark place. Now it was about maintenance to not go back.
I had a huge mind shift and focused on what was important to me.
Maintaining this was the goal.
I realized I needed to change my thoughts. Needed an outlet.
Now its about journaling. This lets me get all the emotions and thoughts out for me to look at and organize.
Walks keep me grounded and being present in the moment taking in all my surroundings.
Shifting my mindset helped me realize there is so much more to life. We’re not limited to waking up going to work and that’s it. We can read, learn, exercise when we build beyond our limiting beliefs we can build a more balanced happier life.
I built a “master plan” to focus on goals and how I’ll get there. This gives me purpose and direction.
It’s not an easy road it can feel dark like your alone, but your not and you don’t have to be. First sign of strength is reaching out.
Creating a more understanding environment around men’s mental health is essential to encourage men to seek help when they need it.
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