I wasn’t much for partying through high school. It wasn’t till I turned 19 and could legally drink things took a turn for the worst. I moved out on my own thinking I had all the answers.
Now it was a life of partying, staying out all hours of the night getting drunk.
Was this just a phase I was going through?
This continued on through my early 20’s.
Smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. With no regard to my health.
When I wasn’t partying I would indulge in hours of video games losing myself in the experience not caring for time.
Looking back at this was it just partying or was it numbing the pain and keeping distracted from the pain of feeling unsuccessful.
I had goals of buying a house, family, and career and none of that was going my way.
When digging deep into this and reflecting. I started realizing this was self-sabotage.
Even going into my early 30’s at this point I was still drinking and playing games for hours and hours.
I had dreams but instead of working through the challenges to build and accomplish them I avoided them.
Why didn’t I want to work for my goals?
Breaking it down and looking deeper into self sabotage it comes into play with the subconscious.
For me this was a fear of failure.
What if I can’t achieve my goals?
Would I even be a good spouse/father with the state I’m in?
Am I ready to grow up and take that responsibility?
Ways to Self-Sabotage
- Procrastination
- Negative Self-talk
- Perfectionism
- Fear of Success
- Fear of Failure
- Self Destructive Habits
- Imposter Syndrome
- Lack of Self-Care
It can be easy to self-sabotage as you come up with excuses and justify it to yourself.
I still catch myself with some of these weekly and have to remind myself to stop.
Procrastination is a major one I have struggles with specially if I’m unsure how to do something or don’t like doing something.
Even a basic task like putting up shelves. It takes 20 minutes and I would come up with excuses to not get it done for what ever reason.
Perfectionism is another big one. For the longest time I wouldn’t start doing videos because I didn’t have the right camera, lighting, or background. I need perfect was my excuse.
Giving yourself a reason to not start today that is a form of self-sabotage.
Looking at all the ways we can self-sabotage it starts to line up with how to build your level of success.
Procrastination: What are you waiting for? start rewording this from have to. Now it should be I choose to. When you change the script the subconscious mind will start working for you instead of against. How you achieve your goals is based off acting right now and not waiting till tomorrow. Even the smallest tasks and creating the habit of getting it done right away can completely change your mindset.
Negative Self-Talk: Your subconscious mind is always listening. It takes everything literally. If you say I’m no good at writing then guess what, your subconscious will agree with you and you start working with the limiting beliefs that you set on yourself.
Perfectionism: Not everything has to be the perfect situation. You don’t need a fancy computer to get started if you want to write. Or a specific keyboard, chair, desk, book. Don’t wait for the moon and stars to align.
Fear of Success: Are you afraid you might achieve your goals? This is just an anxiety about achieving your goals. There is many aspects that come with this and could be a newsletter on it’s own.
Fear of Failure: Failure will happen. When you realize this is a good thing you will grow faster. Failure is a means to growth. If you learn the lessons as to why you failed and can apply them to try again. You are that much closer to success.
Self-Destructive habits: Excessive drinking, smoking, binge watching Netflix. Anything that keeps you from chasing your dreams. Keeping you off track from your plan.
Imposter syndrome: You think you’re unqualified or incompetent. You think your accomplishments are luck and not the hard work and dedication you put in.
Lack of Self-Care: Not taking care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually. Unhealthy eating habits, smoking, excessive drinking, getting caught up in constant drama just to name a few.
Emotional self sabotage is the art of hiding your emotions to protect true feelings.
Emotions are tied to actions we perform daily. It’s easier to fall back on what we know rather than express ourselves and be vulnerable.
Perfect example.
I never would express emotions. My fall back would be to swallow the emotions down when bothered. I would then get angry, disappointed, blame myself for what’s happening. This was easier than showing emotions all together. I would just shut down and be quiet avoiding conversations. Walking away so I didn’t have to deal with it.
How do you begin to deal with this?
You form these habits and more often than not we don’t even realize it.
- Become aware of yourself, who you are, and your actions. When you start recognizing the habits you have formed you can consciously start making the changes. Don't make drastic changes as they won't continue forward long term. Look at the compounding effects making small changes daily or weekly. These will then compound into much more and have a higher rate of success to continue.
- Realize why you do these habits. Is there an underlying reason behind them? I use to be obsessed with video games and it's typically my fall back for when I don't know to do a specific task. It's my easy way out and distraction from challenging myself and lets me put things off.
- Observe the pattern. This will give you awareness as to when and why you fall back on the habits so you can make the conscious effort to make the changes.
- Ask for help. Therapy, coach, hypnosis will be able to break down the habits to move forward. This will give you a way to discuss and find out what really has you doing these behaviors or feeling these emotions.
Other great articles to check out as well….
Psychology Today
Pscyhcentral
Medium
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